Saturday, April 1, 2017

Ten Things Teachers Say That We Don't Really Mean

April Fool's Day is a day to say things you don't really mean and get by with it.  While we were lucky enough to have April Fool's Day fall on a Saturday this year so we missed out on sharing it with our students, it has gotten me thinking about how in our profession, we say things we don't really mean all the time.  I'd venture to say teaching is up there with used car salesman and lawyer when it comes to uttering untruths and getting by with it.  Just to name a few...

"If you do that one more time, I'm going to call [your parent, the principal, etc.]" Let's be honest. It'll take at least half a dozen more times before we reach for that phone.

"Of course I remembered there's a staff meeting in five minutes." Who am I kidding? I can't even remember to use the bathroom during the day.

"I know who made that noise and if I hear it again, there will be consequences." I have no idea who made that noise but hopefully that'll make it stop. And if it doesn't, I'll pretend I didn't hear it so I don't have to admit I didn't know who it was in the first place.

"I guess you're going home with me [to the student whose parent is late]." Has anyone ever once made good on this threat? I'm thinking it would make the news if we did.

"I've never had a class who has as much trouble handling this as you guys do." In truth, I've been just as exasperated with every class I've ever had at some point or another. But a little shaming can't hurt.

"There's no way you turned that in. I wouldn't have misplaced it." I sure hope you find it when you go back and check your folders again. Because it very easily could've gotten swallowed up in the constant mess that is my desk.

"Of course I don't have a favorite student." Except for maybe that one who always does what they're supposed to without asking me if they're my favorite.

"I spelled that wrong to see if you were paying attention." Does anyone believe that one anyway?

"I chose your groups for a reason." Sometimes they are differentiated, balanced, and well-planned for personalities and learning styles.  Other times, I'm tired and I just use Team Shake.

"I can't believe the school year is almost over."  Oh yes, I can.  I love my students dearly and will miss them truly but a school year is 180 days for a reason.  Eventually, we all need a break.

Hope your April Fool's Day was prank-free!  Maybe next year I'll come up with something as cool as that guy's hilarious spelling test.  But more likely I'll be too easy making empty threats and faking it 'til I make it.  What about you?

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